Goodbye...for now

Last time I posted, we were awaiting the Judges' decision on Le staying with us, or returning to his birth parents. It pains me to write that he decided to send him to them. Le has been out of our house now for five days and boy does my heart ache. I long to hold him, to feed him, to change him, to comfort him, and to look into his deep brown eyes, and him know how much he is loved! God, continue to hold him and guard his heart, mind, soul, and body!

Waiting is so hard...

So, I haven't talked much on here about the struggles we have been battling, with our littlest one and CPS wanting to return him to his birth parents, but today we are waiting to hear what the judge has decided. It's especially hard because the judge is know for siding with CPS. Although we felt like he was really listening and taking things that were said to heart, his reputation proceeds him . Today I am nervous! I really want to know what he has decided, but then again, there is a part of me that wants to just continue on, pretending that things will be the same. Believing that Le will be ours forever.

I have said this a million times, but I don't know how people get through storms like these without the Lord. I am blessed to a daughter of the King! It is through His strength, His joy, His peace, and His promises that I can fight on. Standing strong in His word, knowing that His purposes will prevail. I pray that He is made famous and He is glorified through whatever the outcome is today and the days to come! My God is an Awesome God and He reigns on Heaven and Earth! Praise be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit!!!

Le's First Birthday!

Our sweet baby boy turned One this past Friday. I just realized that not only were we not there for his birth, but now he is away with his birth parents for his first birthday this weekend. We go to court again this Wednesday for the CPS final hearing. I have experienced moments of extreme anxiety, followed by God's overwhelming peace. I am choosing God's peace and joy, as I try to keep an eternal prospective through this storm. My happiness is circumstantial, but my joy comes from the Lord and the Bible reminds me that "the joy of the Lord is my strength." God's word also reminds me that these are "light and momentary trouble". Our family is being refined and others are watching to see how we handle it. Will we stand strong, or will we fall? Lord, I pray that you are our strength and focus as we stand and fight for this precious boy! We love you little Le and we are praying God's perfect will in all our lives.

First Snow of 2011

La, our sweet snow angel!

Kait having fun at the park in the snow!

Yes...this is our sweet boy, Le! We only had warm girl clothes.

Josh starting to build his fort!

Jake starting his fort!

Le watching the snow from the warmth of the house!

Le's First snow!

Let me start by saying that I love snow days! We don't see many snow days here in Texas, but when we do things just seem to shut down. I will also say that we don't watch TV very much at our house, and if we do, it's dvd's or shows streamed from the internet. With that being said, I can honestly say that I hadn't had much warning about the winter storm to come. In fact, I had been wearing my flip flops the three days prior to being snowed in. I did go by Target and Sam's last Monday to pick up somethings that I thought we might need, but only supplies for a day or two. In fact, as I realized early Monday evening that we might actually be stuck inside, I called and asked David to pick up some milk. He evidently didn't think things would be bad either, because he only bought one gallon, where I usually buy three. As the night went on and the rain and sleet starting falling, we were all excited at the possibility of no school or work. We were excited to see the results upon waking. Who knew that, not only would school be canceled for Tuesday, but for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday as well? What a wonderful week it has been! The past 5 days, we have prayed together, ate together, played games together, played in the snow together, cleaned out closets together, and enjoyed one another. I love my little family and I cherish moments like these, when we can sit back and relish in each others company! I also forgot to mention that it was our littlest ones first snow, so that made it an extra special time!

2010 In a Nutshell

It has been too long since I have written, so I thought I'd catch up with some highlights from last year...

January- It's a New Year!
February- Our sweet baby boy is born!
March- Le is brought home!
April- Marks one year since my mom died!
May- Six Flags Homeschool Day!
June- I turned 40!
July- Transported kids to Lion Power camp!
August- Lots of August Birthdays!
September- School is in full swing!
October- 8th grade Football games!
November- We spent Thanksgiving in Paris...Texas!
December- Our first Christmas at home!

The Writings On The Wall...

In our home there are index cards posted on the kitchen cabinets with Bible verses on them to remind us of God's promises, as well as His commands. There are also some reminders posted in the bathrooms. Our oldest daughter wrote an encouraging note this weekend on our mirrors in our bathroom that reads "mom...I love you...you are so pretty" and "dad...I love you...you are awesome". I love that she took the time to encourage us this weekend, but do I believe it and receive it?

The past few weeks I have been wrestling with the fact that, even though I have decided to follow God and I ask Him to speak to me, I don't always recognize His voice and His truth. I do, on the other hand, know the enemies voice quite well. He whispers and sometimes shouts at me. His voice is stern and condemning, filled with guilt and feeling of worthlessness. I have become aware that the enemies voice is the one I have chosen most to hear and believe. This not only saddens me, but also challenges me to pay closer attention to the voices I hear and receive.

The last week or so, I have been listening intently, for God's voice. Sending the enemy away when he tries to creep in. I have payed special attention to the words that people speak to me that are uplifting and encouraging and I am receiving those messages of truth. I'm no longer apologizing for the way my house looks, or for the way my kids look, or for the way I look. I'm just doing the best I can and realizing that God is happy with who I am. Sure He's still cleaning some things up inside of me, but He's happy with me, and that's good enough for me. I am His and He deals with me very differently than the enemy does. I find my worth in Him and Him alone.

A Little Heart To Heart

Have you ever sat down with someone you love and had a heart to heart with them? I mean a real heart to heart? Not those awkward heart to hearts where you confront someone on things you feel they are failing at and you both leave feeling fractured and distanced from one another, but the kind where you look deeply into your loved ones eyes and you see their heart...just as Christ sees them. My husband, oldest daughter, and I had the awesome privilege of experiencing a true heart to heart with each other last Friday with a Pastor/Counselor friend of ours facilitating. The heart to heart session was life changing and I truly feel like a new door to our relationship has been opened.

During the session we looked intently into one an others hearts and spoke truth to each other. Truth that came straight from the Holy Spirit. Some of that truth was hard to swallow for me, even though it was positive. If you have read my blog before you'll remember in my post,
You've got me thinking, how I strive for perfectionism. And as you know, perfectionist are never happy with the way they have done, or are doing things, but I continue to work on moving out of the perfectionism I have lived in for so many years. I continue to search and listen to God's truth that is being spoken to me through others and I continue on the path of being content at the place where God has me. I look forward to our next Heart to Heart!