Le's First Birthday!

Our sweet baby boy turned One this past Friday. I just realized that not only were we not there for his birth, but now he is away with his birth parents for his first birthday this weekend. We go to court again this Wednesday for the CPS final hearing. I have experienced moments of extreme anxiety, followed by God's overwhelming peace. I am choosing God's peace and joy, as I try to keep an eternal prospective through this storm. My happiness is circumstantial, but my joy comes from the Lord and the Bible reminds me that "the joy of the Lord is my strength." God's word also reminds me that these are "light and momentary trouble". Our family is being refined and others are watching to see how we handle it. Will we stand strong, or will we fall? Lord, I pray that you are our strength and focus as we stand and fight for this precious boy! We love you little Le and we are praying God's perfect will in all our lives.

First Snow of 2011

La, our sweet snow angel!

Kait having fun at the park in the snow!

Yes...this is our sweet boy, Le! We only had warm girl clothes.

Josh starting to build his fort!

Jake starting his fort!

Le watching the snow from the warmth of the house!

Le's First snow!

Let me start by saying that I love snow days! We don't see many snow days here in Texas, but when we do things just seem to shut down. I will also say that we don't watch TV very much at our house, and if we do, it's dvd's or shows streamed from the internet. With that being said, I can honestly say that I hadn't had much warning about the winter storm to come. In fact, I had been wearing my flip flops the three days prior to being snowed in. I did go by Target and Sam's last Monday to pick up somethings that I thought we might need, but only supplies for a day or two. In fact, as I realized early Monday evening that we might actually be stuck inside, I called and asked David to pick up some milk. He evidently didn't think things would be bad either, because he only bought one gallon, where I usually buy three. As the night went on and the rain and sleet starting falling, we were all excited at the possibility of no school or work. We were excited to see the results upon waking. Who knew that, not only would school be canceled for Tuesday, but for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday as well? What a wonderful week it has been! The past 5 days, we have prayed together, ate together, played games together, played in the snow together, cleaned out closets together, and enjoyed one another. I love my little family and I cherish moments like these, when we can sit back and relish in each others company! I also forgot to mention that it was our littlest ones first snow, so that made it an extra special time!

2010 In a Nutshell

It has been too long since I have written, so I thought I'd catch up with some highlights from last year...

January- It's a New Year!
February- Our sweet baby boy is born!
March- Le is brought home!
April- Marks one year since my mom died!
May- Six Flags Homeschool Day!
June- I turned 40!
July- Transported kids to Lion Power camp!
August- Lots of August Birthdays!
September- School is in full swing!
October- 8th grade Football games!
November- We spent Thanksgiving in Paris...Texas!
December- Our first Christmas at home!

The Writings On The Wall...

In our home there are index cards posted on the kitchen cabinets with Bible verses on them to remind us of God's promises, as well as His commands. There are also some reminders posted in the bathrooms. Our oldest daughter wrote an encouraging note this weekend on our mirrors in our bathroom that reads "mom...I love you...you are so pretty" and "dad...I love you...you are awesome". I love that she took the time to encourage us this weekend, but do I believe it and receive it?

The past few weeks I have been wrestling with the fact that, even though I have decided to follow God and I ask Him to speak to me, I don't always recognize His voice and His truth. I do, on the other hand, know the enemies voice quite well. He whispers and sometimes shouts at me. His voice is stern and condemning, filled with guilt and feeling of worthlessness. I have become aware that the enemies voice is the one I have chosen most to hear and believe. This not only saddens me, but also challenges me to pay closer attention to the voices I hear and receive.

The last week or so, I have been listening intently, for God's voice. Sending the enemy away when he tries to creep in. I have payed special attention to the words that people speak to me that are uplifting and encouraging and I am receiving those messages of truth. I'm no longer apologizing for the way my house looks, or for the way my kids look, or for the way I look. I'm just doing the best I can and realizing that God is happy with who I am. Sure He's still cleaning some things up inside of me, but He's happy with me, and that's good enough for me. I am His and He deals with me very differently than the enemy does. I find my worth in Him and Him alone.

A Little Heart To Heart

Have you ever sat down with someone you love and had a heart to heart with them? I mean a real heart to heart? Not those awkward heart to hearts where you confront someone on things you feel they are failing at and you both leave feeling fractured and distanced from one another, but the kind where you look deeply into your loved ones eyes and you see their heart...just as Christ sees them. My husband, oldest daughter, and I had the awesome privilege of experiencing a true heart to heart with each other last Friday with a Pastor/Counselor friend of ours facilitating. The heart to heart session was life changing and I truly feel like a new door to our relationship has been opened.

During the session we looked intently into one an others hearts and spoke truth to each other. Truth that came straight from the Holy Spirit. Some of that truth was hard to swallow for me, even though it was positive. If you have read my blog before you'll remember in my post,
You've got me thinking, how I strive for perfectionism. And as you know, perfectionist are never happy with the way they have done, or are doing things, but I continue to work on moving out of the perfectionism I have lived in for so many years. I continue to search and listen to God's truth that is being spoken to me through others and I continue on the path of being content at the place where God has me. I look forward to our next Heart to Heart!

Changing Seats

We're a busy family of six, but we have always tried to make time to eat dinner all together in the dining room, where we can joke, talk about our day, and care for one another. We each have our assigned place at the table during dinner, but if you want to eat breakfast or lunch at the table and we're not all eating together, than your welcome to sit where ever you like. Some times as the kids are setting the table for dinner, they'll ask if we can change seats and sit in someone else's place. They love doing this! Well, that is everyone but our oldest. She says it makes her feel uncomfortable to be in a different spot. How odd is that? A place she knows so well, where we share life and meals with those we know and love in a very secure environment, yet she can feel uncomfortable there. Sounds a little like my life at times.

Every morning I sit at the dining room table at my place with my breakfast, my Bible, and my journal, but today was different. When I came to the table I saw that my oldest son was sitting in my place working diligently on his school work. I hated to ask him to move, so I sat in the chair just to the right of him. As I sat there looking out the windows, at the table I sit at daily, things looked different. I have to admit that I felt uncomfortable. And I started to think about how when we step out of our comfort zones, even if it's something small, we become uncomfortable.

Lately God has been calling us all to step out. This year our oldest daughter started public High School after 4 years of homeschooling, my husband has stepped away from his own company and taken a job an hour away, and we have made up our minds to adopt again this year. Needless to say things are uncomfortable at our house, even though it's the house we feel so at home in. The bright side is that Kaitlyn is loving High School and it has caused me to get up earlier to start our day. My husband is bringing home a paycheck every two weeks, instead of going 11 months without pay. And we are excited to welcome a new one (or two) into our loving home. Our days aren't all rosy, but we continue to focus on Christ and we go forward in His strength, knowing He has called us out of our comfort zones!

You've got me thinking...

I was reading on Some Girls website the other day about being "good enough" and how so many of us try to reach perfectionism. She (like so many other times) has got me to thinking.

Have you noticed that we not only strive for perfectionism in ourselves but we also look for it and expect it in others. Women are the worst. We strive to have the perfect body, the perfect children, the perfect family, and the perfect home. We allow voices inside our heads, as well as other women, to tear us down. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. I know personally that I have asked my husband or my oldest daughter "do I look that big from behind?" or "do my legs look like hers?" and countless other critiquing questions. Where we are, never seems to be good enough...we need more...we need better...we need perfect. This has also affected the way I receive compliments and give compliments...I myself have a very hard time receiving them from others, because I never feel good enough. I, like my friend, am resolving to repeat God's truth when I hear voices inside my head tell me that I'm not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, or that I'm not anything enough.

Here are just a few verses that are speaking to me:
Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Our frames were formed by God himself and He has set us apart. To be different, to be who He created us to be.

In 1 Timothy it says, "For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer." When I read this passage the words "everything is good" and "with thanksgiving" sticks out. Am I thankful for how God created me? Do I see that all God has created in me is good? Do I strive for better than what He has given me?

Romans 8:1 say "Therefor, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." If you are a dear sister in Christ my friend, then the condemning mean voice you hear inside your head is not the voice of God, it is the voice of the enemy. Trade that voice for the truth of God. Sisters, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:8

This week I will listen for the voice that tells me that I'm not good enough or that what I have been given is not good enough and I'll replace it with God's truth that tells me that He thinks I am good enough and that He is ready and able to us me...just as I am.